Ladies and gentlemen, it is my duty to inform you of a grave danger threatening our national security: Adjective Proliferation. AP affects every level of our society. Even as we speak language terrorists under the guise of marketing personnel in major corporations are proliferating adjectives at a rate guaranteed to destroy the English language as we know it. For this reason the President has appointed a new head of the Language Security Department who has acted decisively to stop the hideous misuse of our words.
By order of the Language Security Department, the following adjectives are not to be seen in television, radio or print advertising:
Tempting
Decadent
Extreme
Delicious
Fantastic
Grande
Mega
Luxurious
Incredible
Limited-time
Special
Easy-to-use
Beautiful
Delectable
Spicy
Firey
Generous
Amazing
Any miscreant caught using the above words for advertising purposes will be submitted to severe verbal humiliation.
